The Fugue

Some of you may be experiencing baldness vicariously through me. I’m happy to be of service, but after two weeks I decided to abandon total baldness.

It’s not that I don’t like it—I do. It’s not even that Erin doesn’t like it—she likes it well enough much to her surprise. There is really only one reason, which I’ll give at the end. But while we’re at it let’s list all the pros and cons.

First the pros. Being bald is fun. Your hair doesn’t get messed up. Looks good.

The cons? It can be a little chilly. (Of course you can wear a hat or live somewhere mild like Las Cruces and then it doesn’t matter.) People look at you funny at first. All of a sudden some of your clothes aren’t tough enough. If you wear glasses, pencils don’t stay behind your ears anymore. Except when freshly shaved your head is like velcro, making putting on a T-shirt an interesting exercise.

Although the cons are more numerous, the pros outweigh them easily, I think. But this final con tipped the scaled just enough for me, at this time in my life.

If I’m going to be bald, I’m going to do it right. I had hoped I could get away
with shaving 1–2 times a week. But it quickly became apparent that I had to
shave every day to keep a smooth dome. That second day your head is like
sandpaper. After that things soften up a bit, but then you don’t look bald
anymore. So it’s either have sandpaper head 50% of the time or shave every day.

At first it took me half an hour at least to shave, but I was quickly getting
faster. Still, I didn’t want to go through the effort every day, so once the
novelty wore off I decided to let it grow in and just keep it buzzed. From time
to time when I get the whim I’ll probably shave it, maybe keep it that way for
a week or two, then let it grow back out. The funny thing is that you can go
from bald, which turns lots of heads, to not-bald, which flies under the radar
of all but the most conservative, in just 1 week. If you’ve been thinking of
going bald, give it a try!

As for the actual shaving, I first tried the safety razor. It worked well enough on the front and sides, but it took a long time. On the back, I didn’t feel I knew my head well enough and switched to a cartridge blade. A week in I picked up a HeadBlade at Walgreens (on sale) and gave that a try. It worked alright but not as well as I hoped. After practicing with each method the safety razor was the best and fastest method, with the HeadBlade a close second. For a “velcro” shave the headblade is the fastest, but at least with the cartridge that came with it, it wasn’t exceptionally close. For a close shave the safety razor was the best, and once I figured out the curvature not very slow. I noticed that my head is much less sensitive than my face and can take a bit more aggressive shave, as long as I respect the curves. Which reminds me, the HeadBlade people say you need to not push down. That’s probably true for normal people, but for people used to shaving with a safety razor, you *do* need to push down more than you’re used to. If you use the same light touch you use with your safety razor it won’t cut a thing.

In the end I was doing a quick with-the-grain pass with the headblade, then using the safety razor to do an against-the-grain pass on the top, and across-the-grain on the sides and back. I rarely got the back close enough to do an against-the-grain pass with anything, though I could probably achieve it with practice. The HeadBlade was particularly useless against the grain in the back, due to a ridge at the base of my skull.

Would I recommend a HeadBlade for a full-time baldy? Definitely. If nothing else for those days when you’re in a rush and just need to get an OK shave real quick. But really, at $10 it’s hard to not give it a try. Might make a good suggestive stocking stuffer for the not-yet-bald in your life.

Will I go bald again? Definitely. Unless my hair happens to fall out uniformly across the top in a nice Picard look. I can’t abide the combover or the little patch of hair at the front. Total baldness is a great alternative.